Tx2 in Colorado

We finally got a Helton!!!

2009-05-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

We've been Rockies fans for a long time now. My daughter was born into being a fan. At 6 months of age Neifi Perez signed the butt of her little outfit and posed for a picture. 4 years later, he signed a ball glove of hers and posed for another picture. 1 week later he was traded.
There were a few years where Tuki didn't care if she got an autograph or not. These past few years have been quite the opposite though. Oh what a sad day it was when she found out Matt Holliday had been traded. She now says Oakland is her favorite team because of him. She never got a Holliday autograph, but that would have been sweet for her.
The one that has caused us the most pain and frustration is Todd Helton. He's been with the team for awhile, and people seem to flock when he comes to the side to sign. A couple of years ago, we were in a bad spot at the end of a long line of fans. It seemed we'd have no luck getting any of the players down where we were. As luck would have it, Helton decided to start at that end. Tuki was right down front right up against the railing. The next thing I new, kids and adults were crowding around and I could no longer see my daughter. People were pushing and shoving. Todd was telling the kids to quit hitting his arm in hopes of an autograph. I was pulling people off my daughter as I could now she she was squished underneath a small crowd. I went into mommy panic mode. Todd had enough with everyone and walked off. The crowd dissipated and my daughter was in tears. Partly because her hips were bruised from being crushed against the railing, but mostly because all that pain didn't even get her a Helton. I was frustrated that greedy people don't care who they hurt physically, so long as they get what they're after. I think my daughter felt the same way.
Last year we tried for autograph's and I learned to stand right behind my daughter with my mommy elbows ready to backfire on anyone ready to lunge. We had no luck.
This year, we finally went to a week day game. We figured out the key to autograph's. Go on a slow day and stand right by the dugout. First we got Ianetta to sign Tuki's baseball. Next was Stewart. Oh there's Helton in the dugout. He ran out and waved to the fans at the rail, then went on his way to stretch and warm up. About 15 minutes later, oh wait, is he walking this way? I think he is. He'll probably turn to the dugout last minute. Nope he's coming right toward us. He started a couple of people down and worked toward my daughter. All the fans were so polite. Tuki got her autograph and I asked for a photo op for her and what do you know. No one got injured or got their feelings hurt in the obtaining of this coveted autograph and picture. Success!!! We got a Helton!!!
The last autograph was with Fowler. He also warmed up first, but once he was finished, it seemed he picked Tuki out of the crowd, because he ran straight to her for the autograph. ( I think it's a black thang. He saw a little sista and thought he'd give her his first autograph of the night.
To top it off, the Rockeis won. Helton got a home run and Stewart got a grand slam. I think it had to do with my baby having contact with them before the game. I'll forever believe that as fact.

I have nothing to wear!!!

2009-05-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

How many times have I heard that phrase? Too many. There's nothing like a constantly messy room and a garage sale to bring out the truth. It wasn't that she had nothing to wear. She had option overload and her poor little brain couldn't decide from the millions of choices. So, we weeded out more than half her wardrobe to make life easier.

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

To any moms who happen across this blog, "Happy Mother's Day!" I remember at age 16 my mom would ask me what I want to do in life. "I want to be a mom." That's not a job, she would tell me, and again ask what I wanted to do after school. " I want to be a mom!" That is what I wanted. During the few years before I gave birth to my daughter, I had this recurring dream of me playing with a little girl. I was sitting at the end of the bed and she was sitting on my lap. I would lean her back and ask her, "Do you love me?" She would giggle and say "NO!" I would lean her back again and ask, "Do you love me?" Again she would giggle and respond with "NO!" A third time I would repeat, "DO you love me?", and she would hug me and say "I love you mommy." I knew that was my future daughter. I had told a friend of mine about that dream, and in my third month of pregnancy, before the ultrasound, I stated that I knew it was a girl and it was the girl in that dream. I never again had that dream.
I don't know if I'm meant to have anymore children. If I meet the right man and if God has it in His plan for a larger family for me, then I am all for it. I do want more, but I am more than blessed to have my "dream girl."
That dream kind of symbolizes my relationship with my daughter. We giggle and joke and it always comes back to love. In a time when I was being young and independent, I did get caught up in a moment and that moment had nothing to do with love, but the end result was love in pure form. There are so many days I wonder why, when I was so far from praising and pleasing God, He chose to bless me with such perfection. Thank you God for allowing me to be a mother. Most of all, thank you for the perfect gift of my daughter! God is Love!

Isn't she Beautiful?!

2009-04-27T12:49:00.000-07:00

Here are the pictures I took of my daughter right before we raked up the leaves this past fall. I told her to run in and change into something photo worthy. She knew what she was doing, and I just love the way they turned out!

Memories of OK

2009-04-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

I know I just wrote a book on the last post, but it got me thinking about Oklahoma. More specific, I had brought up the scars on my toes and now I am thinking aobut all those scars and how I got most of them.
I kinda liked growing up out in Yukon. I remember most of all, I loved rainy days in Yukon. Very rarely was there lightning with our rain (something we see on a regular basis in CO. We even have thunder snow). I remember, my neighbor and friend, Michelle and I would wear our Underoos (sp?) out in the street, and when her brother would bug us about being outside in our undewear, we'd swear it was our swimsuits. Who were we fooling? I loved my Wonder Woman Underoos. Anyway, we'd sit right next to the curb where the water would rise. I remember it being warm rain too. Then we would race each other up and down the street and kick at the deep water by the curb to make it splash. Can you see how I'd end up with cut toes? Sometimes I'd drag my feet while running which would scrape a toe. Even so, most of those cuts came from playing in the rain.
I even remember the few times my feet were affected from things other than the rain. Our housing area was brand spanken new when we moved in. Other than the show homes, we got one of the first houses built in that subdivision (we even have polaroids of the entire building process) Too bad it now looks very run down. The house right across the street from ours was still being built when we (myself, my sister, and our 2 neighbors) decided to climb the mountain of sawdust left on the front lawn. Well, along with the sawdust were boards and NAILS!!! Yikes! I remember my bare feet feeling so good in the saw dust. I also remember taking a step right on top of a nail, then while trying to back of the mound, I stepped on another nail with the other foot. The neghbors' mom was "watching" us that day and I remember her having some ointment that stung like crazy. I was dreading having that put on the bottom of both feet. Maybe I passed out or something because I don't remember the pain after that. I don't know if I hobbled around for awhile, or if I picked up and ran off down the street ready for my next injury. I just don't know.
I do know that I wear my toe scars with pride. I think it needs to warm up here so I can wear sandles more often so I can look at my scars and smile!

Been Awhile

2009-04-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

Wow! Talk about a hiatus. What can I say? I've been busy. Life has been busy. I forgot all about my blog in the midst of everything. My sister reminded me of the important things in life...all of which have to do with the internet. Should I recap the past couple of years? I think not. I'll just pick up from here, meaning the fast few months, with thoughts from way before then.
For a couple of years now, I have been toying with the idea of moving. As a kid and teenager, Colorado was the place to be. I loved coming out here to go skiing. When dad got transferred, I honestly believed I would spend everyday on the mountain. Classes would take place at the top of the slopes (kind of like the Sunday services most resorts have). All my friends would be ski bums and we would hang out in lodges while not skiing. My wardrobe would consist of ski pants, cute Swiss sweaters, and the brightest colored sunblock stripe right down my nose. Oh yes this was going to be the life. Funny, it never happened that way. In the entire 155 months I have lived in Colorado I have maybe been skiing 10-15 times total.
This part of Colorado is the complete opposite of the ski bum's dream. I am in a suburb of people who are too busy to say "Hi", wave or give common courtesies. My daughter goes to a school full of kids who are growing up faster than I ever did. I'd like to blame it on the water and all the extra additives in food, but plain old busy parenting is what's to blame. Suburbia is a place of "see how much one can pack into a day!" My daughter wants to have a birthday party. Well, this all depends on the soccer/hockey/lacrosse/football/baseball/softball/musical instrument/choir/you get my drift schedule. Yes, my daughter fits into two of the above categories. Most of her friends fit into 3 or more of those categories. I feel like my head is spinning. I feel like my 11-year-old has no idea what it's like to be an 11-year-old.
So, two years ago I was looking at Nova Scotia. My grandfather was born there so why not? Reality is, I'm not ready to change my citizenship. Maine was appealing too, but who lives in Maine? Virginia? I've lived there in the Army, loved the weather, but crime rate is high and I don't see me raising my daughter there. Tennessee I was very close to considering just a couple of months ago. They have an elephant sanctuary there and I would love to get the entry level position working there. But, it's nothing I've ever known. As much as I want to work with animals, elephants are a HUGE responsibility (pun intended). Due to the fact that part of my moving is to get away from some family members, I was under no circumstance going to agree with them that Oklahoma would be a great place to live. I think I wrote it off just because they suggested it. I looked at all the above mentioned places again and again, but it came back to what feels right. Oklahoma feels right. Not that the OKC/Yukon/Mustang areas sound right, but Oklahoma sounds right.
Here I am looking at the greater Tulsa area. Everyone I know says it's a beautiful area. I want to live outise the suburbs. Close enough to civilization I can run into town for the needs, but far enough away to have peace and quiet. I want my daughter to run outside barefoot and play in the rain. Those are my best memories of growing up in OK and I have scars on every single toe to prove it. I want my daughter to realize it's okay to go outside and find a grasshopper so interesting she forgets she's been following it for over an hour. Thus begins a trip down memory lane. Somehow, I pushed Oklahoma so far into the "I don't wanna go back there" corner, I've forgotten what was so great about growing up there. I wish I could rewind some of my daughter's life so she could go back and learn to be a kid again. I feel like she has been forced to hurry and grow up that I find myself telling her to "grow down." Yes, I say this to her all the time.
Now is the time (Okay maybe not right now, but in the next few months). Oklahoma is the place. How it will happen? I don't know. What work will I find? I don't have a clue. How will I afford to start over on a single income for 2? Pray, pray, and pray. I am lining up applications in hopes of setting interviews in June. We'll see what the future holds.

Time Flies!

2006-09-21T09:57:00.000-07:00

Takyra is already on her first break of school. Since she is in year round school she has 4 breaks throughout the year. This is a 3 1/2 week break. She has already been in school for 9 weeks. CRAZY!
Yesterday she dealt with some bullies. Takyra went out for morning recess and snack time. She left her food where she had been sitting and decided to go play for a little while. Whlie playing she noticed some older girls had her food and she went to tell them it was hers. The girls ran off with her food and she chased them, teling them it was hers. They decided to make a gameof it and tossed the food back and forth in a game of keep away. Takyra's food ended up all over the playground and I got a call saying I needed to bring her some lunch. " I don't think so!!!" My response was that the two 5th graders that thought it would be fun to take her food should have to pay for her lunch and the families should be aware of the actions, and consequences of their daughters' actions.
The day ended on a good note and now Takyra can live the next 3 1/2 weeks bully free.
I have just had both my big toes worked on ( ingrown toenails) and am hobbling around everywhere. Once I can stand to wear regular shoes again, we'll be heading back to Six Flags and making me queezy on the roller coasters. Takyra is a die hard fan of thrill rides while I have lost my touch and stomach for them. Who knew?
I'm jsut trying to live life day by day and trying to slow it down a little. I cna't believe we are in the final stretch of the year. From here on out there are holidays and functions that make the rest of the year fly by. I'm not ready for Takyra to turn 9, but I have no control over that.
man time flies!!!

Fall Softball Season

2006-08-29T17:41:00.000-07:00

I finally put Takyra in softball. She loves it! She is playing on an introductory team, which means every game is a lesson for the girls. They range from 6-8 years of age and their attention spans show it well. The girls rotate positions so that they can learn each one for the more competitive teams in the future. Before the season started, I began practicing with Takyra at the softball fields close to the house. We had practiced slow pitch all along. I later found out it is fast pitch softball. Luckily Takyra was ready for it. It is coach pitch and he pitches according to each girl's ability. The coaches are out in the field telling the girls how to make the plays when the team is on the field. When up to bat, there is the pitching coach, 1st and 3rd coaches and one can stand behind the catcher and coach the batter. Total instructional softball. Next year, she moves up to competitive level. As much as we both loved gymnastics ( me watching her, and her doing it) we like softball even better. Even with my shoulder still sore, I love going out and helping with the practices. I am the assistant to the assistant coach. The assistant would be my dad. Yes, it is a family thing and we love it. Takyra has decided she likes catcher best and she wants to continue with softball from now on. I was wondering when she would figure it all out. It just wasn't natural to be from a line of softball players and she had nothing to do with the sport. it jsut ook getting a team together for her to realize how much fun it is.
It has it's moments though. Some of the girls have such short attention spans, they can't help but get distracted. The coaches daughter is the best at this. She maybe lasts 30 seconds before she's sitting down scribbling in the dirt. This past week we were practicing and Takyra was up to bat. I had informed the coach that Takyra was hitting fast balls at the batting cages and could probably handle him pitching faster to her. So he did and she hit it hard. Guess who wasn't paying attention? The coaches daughter!!! She took the ball straight on the hip. Tears were flowing and the brat of the team decided Takyra needed to be scolded. So Takyra was crying too. I informed the girls that none of them are good enough to hit the ball exactly where they want to, so it is nobody's fault that someone got hit. The coach in turn said, " The more you get hit, the stronger you become." He wasn't worried about it and made sure the girls realize they are going to get hit in this game. They managed to make it through practice without anymore injuries.
The season is only 7 weeks long, but we are enjoying every minute of it. It's been good for the whole family. Who knows what sport she'll embark on next.

First Day of 3rd Grade

2006-07-25T08:28:00.000-07:00

Takyra was up at the crack of dawn today. I'm surprised she got any sleep at all. When I fell out of bed, she was already dressed and had her lunch packed. She looked at me and said, " I can't believe I'm growing up. I'm not your baby anymore." I couldn't believe my ears. She quickly recovered, " Well, I'll always be your baby. Even when I'm 16 and get my license, I'll be your baby." She proceeded to list all the stages in life when she will still be my baby.
Her ensemble for the first day of school is quite a site. She has several back to school outfits, but she couldn't help, but pick the brightest and wildest of them all. She has blue camouflage pants, a purple camou backpack, a pink camou lunch box, and green Converse hi tops ( The one pair of shoes she thought she could never live without). She has camouflage overload on today. Even so, I am certain her teacher will be able to find her.
We walked to school and quickly spotted her classmates. With year round school, she keeps the same classmates, only this year her class went up in size by 4 kids. The boy who sits next to her is new to the class, but was at the school last year. His mom is the art teacher. When I asked if they knew each other, he replied, " Yeah, I sat by her on the bus to field trips last year and she was annoying." Oh really now. "I mean she was kind of goofy." Good recovery boy. I might have had to pull his chair out from under him when he sat down. Even so, Takyra wanted her picture taken with him and I won't be surprised if he is her crush of the year. We unpacked all her school supplies, which overflowed off her desk. Kids were running everywhere making sure they got their supplies into the right piles. It isn't the way it was when I was a kid. We had long summers and there was so much to talk about when we saw our friends again. Takyra's class has only had a 5 week break and her day camp is at the school, so she has seen quite a few friends during that short time. So, not much catching up to do between her and her friends. After I got a few pictures of her and her classroom, I decided it was time for me to let her be a 3rd grader. One of the other moms came in and said it was pouring down rain outside. I thought about waiting to walk home, but figured a little rain never hurt anyone. If that was pouring down, I'd hate to see what she thinks when it really does come down. It was a light rain. One of those rains that you love when you are hiking or camping. Just enough to cool you off, but doesn't leave you wanting dry clothes. As I walked home in this "downpour" I was thinking that it was very significant of a fresh start. God was showing me the gentle freshness of a new day. I loved it, and I am not at all worried that my baby just started 3rd grade.
My only complaint about school in this day and age is how much "stuff" there is. We bought everything except the teacher's wardrobe this year. I know when Takyra gets home there will be plenty of papers to sign and at least 4 things that require payment of some sort. Yes, it is the start of a new school year. There are no black boards in her school. All dry erase boards. There is nothing like the smell of chalk. I guess when Takyra looks back and remembers school, she'll think there's nothing like the smell of dry erase markers. By the time she has kids it will be all computerized. So long as my daughter gets a good education, I don't care what means they use. I'm sure she is enjoying her first day, and it is only a matter of time before she is tired of the work involved with 3rd grade. Multiplication, cursive writing, and lots of homework. My next entry will be about stressed 8-year-olds.

Out of Nowhere!

2006-06-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those days where everything is going okay, and out of nowhere the world turns upside down? Today was one of those days. I went to work and was having my usual fun day. I was enjoying the customers and all was going smoothly. I went to lunch and mailed a package during my one hour break and even had time to spare once I got back to the salon. Then "IT" happened. I went back to work after lunch and had a walk-in client. ( How else he would have come in, I don't know) Anyway, back to the seriousness. I called his name, "Jackson." He was so excited to be getting his hair cut and he knew exactly which car he wanted to sit on. For those of you who don't get that, my salon has little battery operated cars for the kids to sit in instead of your basic stylist chair. Now, Jackson is a new 3-year-old and it seems that his 3-year-old body wants to move faster than his feet. They must still be in the 2-year-old phase. Jackson rounded the corner going straight for the 4-wheeler. Aagh to feel like a big boy on that big piece of machinery. He had so much speed going and about 3 feet in front of the 4-wheeler, his feet didn't know what to do. He tripped and went head first into the pedal of the 4-wheeler and after a huge thub of his head hitting he landed on his chest on the hydraulic pump. As soon as I saw him trip my body went into protection mode as I went sliding on my knees to get to him and I hit my head onthe exact same chair. I picked him up and had him in the arms of his mommy in seconds. She was walking right behind us pushing her baby's stroller. Jackson screamed so hard. I immediately saw the bumps on his head and mommy was looking him over. She asked if we had any ice and I ran over to the Panera Bread in our building and got him a bag of ice, which he did not want. He wanted nothing anywhere near his eye. By the time I got back, he was bleeding and one could plainly see he had split the corner of his eye on the outside. Everyone in the room obviously knew something had happened. The thud of his head hitting the car alone sent everyone into a bit of a shock, but no one saw it except me and his mom. Our receptionist asked what to do and I told her an incident form would be best. As I tried to tell her what happened I was a bit overcome with emotion and started to cry for the boy. I think the adrenaline wore off and gave me a little mood swing. Unfortunately for the boy, his sister had a dance recital this evening and the mom really wanted her hair fixed for it. So, she wasn't going to leave immediately to get his eye taken care of. I bribed him with a lollipop to help stop the tears and it worked. Mommy had brought Oreo's which made it even better. I had suggested she make sure he didn't need stitches or surgical super glue (which she hadn't heard of). While I sat there with jackson I asked him quesitns and at one point he looked like he was lost in thought, not really looking at anything. I went into nurse mode, making sure he wasn't having signs of a conucssion. I had to get right in front of him to get responses to my questions. I once again told the mom she should get him to the doctor and have him checked out and that along the way she needed to talk to him and get responses from him. She decided to call his dad and have daddy come get him. I know the recital was important, but come on. I convinced Jackson to lay his head over on the ice pack and he looked as if he could go to sleep at any minute. Finally, daddy got there and whisked him off to the doctor. Jackson's response to leaving, "Can I get my hair cut?" The parents called back and Jackson got stitches.
Amazing how everything can be just peachy and a split second later you're diving head first into a 4-wheeler. I got my heart beating back at a normal pace again. Tomorrow, Jackson will be coming back to me to get his hair cut.

Wild Weekend

2006-06-12T21:45:00.000-07:00

A horse is a horse, of course, of course! Takyra finally finished her first big report for school. First of all, to answer your question. Yes, she is still in school. She gets out on June 20. The joy of year round school. She starts 3rd grade on July 25. A one month summer. Yes, things aren't like they used to be. For once, my story doesn't sound like I walked uphill both ways to and from school...in the snow. I had 3 month summers. Okay, so back to the important subject here. She had to do a report on mammals and she chose a horse. She made sure we worked on the project every night when I got home from work. I was getting annoyed at learning how much information there is considering how many different types of horses there ar eand how they vary. So, we narrowed it all down. To make it even better, a couple from our church owns 4 horses and they allowed Takyra to go out and learn all she could about horses and how they take care of them. She fell in love with the one horse above, Blaze. It was a dream come true for her to just hang out with the horses. Last night we finished the report and glued everything in place. She was happy and I was proud of her for doing such a good job and for being persistent about getting it finished.

This morning she made sure the entire report was together so she wouldn't forget anything. She got dressed in her cottton, snap-up, western shirt, her blue jeans, and my boots. ( Yes, her feet are big enough, she's wearing my shoes now) She had her plastic horse which she labeled the anatomy on. She was so confident walking into school this morning. The report was a success. She was proud to announce that her report had more information than any of the others in her class. However, due to her excess information, one of the boys decided to act like he was falling asleep during her report and "snored" through the whole thing. When I asked Takyra what his report was on, she said he forgot to do his report. Even so, his actions caused her to cry and the whole thing was put on hold until she could regain her confidence to finish. It may not seem like much, but in a world full of ADD and ADHD overdiagnosis, it is good to see that a child who is usually hyperactive and unwilling to concentrate on one thing for any period of time, can put 150% into a project. She is proof that sometimes we have to find their passions in order to catch their attention. No drug can have that effect.

The weekend was so busy. Her report, a Rockies game, and try outs for the gymnastics pre-team. She put her heart and soul into gymnastics and even accomplished some forms she had not been able to do before. Now we wait to hear if she made the pre-team. The Rockies game was fun. Takyra is in love with the left fielder and cheers him on when he's up to bat or makes a play. Anytime they played some good music she was up and danicng in the stands. She even did the water sprinkler. We've been going non-stop and now my head is still spinning. I can't wait to sit back and rest awhile.

Pretty is NOT Affordable!

2006-06-06T14:00:00.000-07:00

I went looking at houses today. A cute neighborhood close to work seemed like the perfect spot to raise my daughter. I have been talking to my realtor about the area and we decided to go look at some of the houses I thought would be perfect for my budget. We went. We looked. We smell.
Yes, the houses smelled so bad. MOLD!!! In Colorado? Yes! The first house was in the worst shape, and yet I saw the possibilities. Beautiful floor plan, 5 bedrooms, and a gorgeous yard. It looked like the neighbor kids found out the house was vacant and decided to do some remodeling. There are holes in every wall. The windows are all busted. Believe it or not, it is actually a nice neighborhood. Probably some good kids that don't realize how their actions will affect the sale of the house. Even if the walls were in perfect shape, there is still a ton of work to be done. I am hoping to either find something better that needs fixing up, or being able to make a low enough offer to fix this place up exactly how I want it.
As bad as it is, I see the beauty that could come out of some major TLC. Maybe in the next couple of months I will be posting a series of blogs about the fix-up of my new (old) home. I have a vision and I think it could be possible. So, as much as I wanted to surprise the family with my home purchase, I might be giving them more of a surprise when I ask for help in fixing up the place.
If any family or friends would like to come visit for awhile this summer and help out, I'm sure we can set up more tents in the back yard. One day I'll have the home of my dreams. Until then, I'll just keep searching and hoping I find pretty and affordable together.

Define SUCCESS!

2006-05-26T20:23:00.000-07:00

(Isn't he beautiful...for a gorilla? Keep reading and you'll understand)
As always, the love life is fizzled and flat. But right now, that is fine by me. It is only when a relationship goes bad that I am truly bothered by this. I used to define my success not by how much I received in this world, but by what I can provide for myself and my daughter. I know that sounds close, but it isn't. I don't want to have riches so great I have no clue what to do with the remaining $5 million of the day. I want to provide a roof over our heads and say " I did that!" I also defined my success by finding someone to love me. I think I do still have that as a symbol of success, but I am re-prioritizing. When I am old and I look back on my life, will I think myself successful? Right now, I don't know that I would. I have done many things in my young life which I believe have molded me. Made me a success? NO.
I am currently looking at houses. Hoping to purchase one by the time fall flies in. I have rented before. How sad that my daughter can't paint a room the color she wants. I want that for her. Will it be success? Are the things we look at as definition of success for ourselves truly successful once we achieve them? I think the things I once thought made me successful are no longer looked at that way because I wanted everyone else to look at me and see it as I did. I have hopes and dreams still. As old as I may get, I do have dreams for myself that have yet to be fulfilled. Will that moment define me, or will I define it?
My realistic hopes are to have a house for me and Takyra and to fix it up the way we like. I hope to have a salon of my own one day. These are so close, I can taste them.
My dream that would melt my heart in an instant. I want to touch a gorilla. To some this sounds...odd. To Tarisa and Takyra, it doesn't. A few years ago, while in OKC, we went to the zoo. My family went into the gorilla exhibit and the rest of the visitors seemed to vanish. I sat by the window of a room which held one gorilla. I "flirted" with the gorilla, looking it's direction and then looking away when he looked my way. After awhile of doing this, I had been called over to see the silverback in the other room. I walked away from the first, and he did not like that at all. He ran up and banged on the glass. The whole family was startled and I went back to my position by the window. The flirting started up again. Just to see what the response would be, I walked away again. He banged on the window once more. I went back and he came up to the window where I was sitting and put his hand up to the glass. To my dad it was just an animal that didn't know any better. To my mom and sister it was a sweet moment that got an "Awwwww" from both. To me, it was breathtaking. The only negative was that a glass was between us. I do believe I had the ability to bond with that beautiful creature.
I look at my definition of success in this world and it is logical for everyday living. Sometimes it seems a little far from my grasp, but I know it gets closer and closer everyday. Will those successes be as sweet as that moment the gorilla saw me? I doubt it. I am learning a great deal about myself by listening to my deepest feelings. Would I give up a dream home to touch a gorilla? YES, and Takyra would completely understand it. The thing about what matters most to us is that when it really matters, everyone around you understands it. Maybe that is true success.

MEN! Cross Another One Off the List!

2006-05-09T15:38:00.000-07:00

Well, another man has exited my life. I have dated Corwin ( aka CoCo) for 9 months now...Kind of. We got along great. We could talk about childhood memories and laugh for hours. Even so, we weren't a match. In March, the night before my birthday, he invited me over to watch a movie. As I got ready to go, I realized I didn't want to go over there, ever again. I called him back and told him what was up. I didn't feel the connection from him. I knew I admired him and could have strong feelings, but I didn't feel he had feelings for me. I let it go, and I was happy about it.
The family went to Disney World and while there I received numerous messages from CoCo saying how much he missed me. Could this be the same man? When I returned from the trip, I went to see him and some friends. He was charming and sweet the entire evening. He kept telling his friends how beautiful I was and how much he had missed me. I should've known to run, liar! LOL I gave it another chance. Maybe he was capable of developing feelings for me. NOT!!! So, last week we talked and it just ain't there. I was a wreck. Blame certain hormones that get in the way of every woman's daily functions, once a month. I bawled and sniffled and tried to figure out why! A year ago, I would have asked God why He didn't want me to spend my life with someone who would return my love. This time I just asked God when will He show me the one. I know I won't get the answer to that one until it happens. Even so, once the hormonal agony subsided, I was able to look at the situation like I did in March and just walk away. No regrets. I met an amazing man whom I have enjoyed the company of, but there is someone else out there for each of us.
He's out there somewhere! I'm close to calling the Coast Guard to find him!

We went to Disney World!!!

2006-04-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

I'm fulfilling the request for Disney news. Ummmm! We went! It was fun! There is so much more to it, but I need some beauty rest, because all I've gotten so far in life hasn't helped one bit. Enjoy these pictures and I'll blog more when I get them.

Southern Baptist Dancing Again!? YES!!!

2006-04-21T20:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight was 80's night at Takyra's school. They had a dance and everyone was to dress in their best 80's fashions. I think my girl took the prize. Yes, I'm tooting my horn again, but who cares. We nailed the look. You can't tell she has big bangs, but they are there. She has 3 pair of socks on, two tank tops, a cut t-shirt, a big, loose belt, and the ponytail to the side. Every parents was singing to the music. "Walking on Sunshine", "Footloose", "JUMP", and many more. Takyra showed her Mema her outfit before the dance and she said, "Like, do I like, totally, like, look good for, like, the dance? Like, am I totally in, like fashion?" She told a teacher at the dance, " Like I totally dig the party. Like the punch is so gag me!" Takyra's class was the last one on the dance floor. She danced so hard. She had a blast and hopefully will sleep very well tonight.

She's tall! She's gorgeous! I'm her mom, I get to brag!

2006-03-31T19:06:00.000-08:00

My baby won't stop growing! She gets taller and taller and smarter and smarter everyday ( book smart that is. The common sense is still lacking). Tonight they had so much fun in gymnastics. Since they did all their testing last week, they got a fun day this week. They had races where they saw who could go the furthest walking on their hands. They did the little sommersault thing where you grab your friends ankles and keep doing sommersaults. They did some other ones that are way to hard to explain and even if I did they might sound to X-rated for this site. (No they weren't bad just the description would sound so) Takyra would stand in front of the instructor and do her form just as the instructor told her and as soon as the instructor looked away Takyra could care less about form and just hurried to get to the end of the mat. This happened most with back walkovers. I got dizzy watching her. They had a relay race into the foam pit. It's a pit full of foam sqaures and it's quite a workout to get through. The first two times they raced, Takyra's team was way behind and she was the last person for her team. Both times she made a comeback and won it for her team. YOU GO GIRL! then the instructor thought it was unfair and moved the other teams fast girl back with Takyra. Hey now! So someone must have said something about it because they moved Takyra up in her group. Guess what! She was still fast and made up enough time that even though their slowest person was last they still won! Yea! Hercules! Hercules! My baby! Yes, I am the competitive mom up in the stands. Most of the videos of her gymnastics have me commentating, saying " My kid's better than your kid!" I won't be starting any fights any time soon...hopefully never and I don't have the shirt with her picture on it, but I just might have to make one now that I have these great pictures of her.
I had always thought my kids would play softball and baseball. Even thought Takyra can bat both right and left handed, she can't catch a ball to save her life. Her throwing isn't much better. Her asthma is too bad for soccer, and she was never really into Tae kwondo. ( The only sport I could think of at the time that wouldn't cause her asthma to flare up) So, we lucked out that one day we saw the new gym being built down the street from us. She always did cart wheels during Tae kwondo. Why not? I kind of get to live my dreams through her, but not really. I remember watching the Olyimpics and wanting to do gymnastics. i remember trying to teach myself a back handsrping up in my room, using my mattress as padding. Luckily, I didn't break my neck that day, but I still remember the stinging pain and the fear that I might have.
Takyra still lacks the feminie grace that most gymnasts have, but she's having fun and looks so cute out there. One day, she might be an Olympic gymnast. The only other sport we figure she'll qualify for is the halfpipe since she loves the snowboard. Whether she achieves either of those or not, I'm not worried. She gorgeous and she's smart and she'll make it in this world no matter what!

When snow melts

2006-03-21T22:28:00.000-08:00

What do you do when snow melts? Well, if you are Takyra, you get what snow is left and rebuild your snowboard/sled ramp. She had a bucket and was scooping what snow was left in the back yard. Mema ( her grandma) had helped her build a ramp off the deck when it was snowing yesterday. There were some bare spots, but she took snow from the yard and built it back up again. She made a path that went straight to the fence. Hmm. If the path goes to the fence, where do you think the girl goes? To the fence. Unfortunately, there are now some loose boards on the fence. But hey, she had a blast. I watched from the kitchen as she would go down the ramp and do one of three things: turn before the fence, fall down before the fence, or plow rigth into the fence ( her favorite). She has mastered the snowboard and would try to jump her way back to the ramp. She never got very far and had to take it off and walk back up. I had hoped to go to the mountains and get her snowboarding lessons this year. Unfortunately, my shoulder injury kept that from happening. We were going to take lessons together. I might still take her up and let her do the lesson without me. Until then, I just have to make sure she doesn't get brave and build the next ramp from the roof of the house. I hope you enjoy the pictures. Check out the form on that snowboard!

SNOW..it must be Spring!

2006-03-21T22:16:00.000-08:00

The one picture is of Takyra and Boomer last week. Sunday, they called off the evening services after learning we had a huge snow storm headed our way. It was supposed to be here by 3pm Sunday and it was supposed to bring many inches of snow. Schools and businesses prepared for closures. Don't you know that if youplan for something, it never happens like you expect. it's only when you aren't prepared that something big happens. it rained all evening and turned to snow around 8 pm. Even so, it snowed all day Monday. Businesses were open and schools were just delayed an hour. When Takyra got home from school, she played with the neighbors and I took her adn her friend Matt over to the hill close by the house. Takyra thought it would be fun to have Boomer pull her down the hill with her on the sled. He didn't like that idea too much. He'd prefer catching snowballs. They played on their sled sand snowboards for awhile, then decided to go down on a sled together. Bad idea as they hit the fence and Matt's back hit a big post. He was hurting the whole way home. Luckily, there was no major damage and he bounced back like every other 9-year-old boy. Snow always come right at Springtime. I'll take it soe long as I don't have to drive in it.

OH NO 31!!!

2006-03-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

I have been asked to put some birthday pictures on here, so here they are. I got verything I asked for...well almost everything. even so, they did good. I started making jewelry when I realized I'd be out of the hair business with my shoulder injury. I enjoy making bracelets and necklaces, but kept running out of beads, so I asked for beading supplies. I think I'll be able to make several pieces with all that I got. I got a Mickey Mouse shirt, some hiking shoes, some water treckers, a necklace that Takyra and my mom made, and a four leaf clover wind spinner. So 31 was really no big deal, but I got very nice presents.

Ouch!!

2006-03-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

This will be kind of short as I am typing with one hand. I don't care about typos so long as you understand what I'm saying and my jumbled words aren't bad ones.
I had surgery yesterday. I will take labor and delivery over that pain anyday. I wasn't warned about the pain after. First of all I thought it was going to be arthroscopic...it wasn't. She doesn't like to do it that way since she removed part of the bone. She says it leaves bone fragments inside the shoulder which causes infection. So, I had the end of my acromium removed and tenotomy ( stimulation of the tendon to restore blood flow) and she had to cut me open to do so. Both injuries were the result of my car wreck back in January.
I woke up from the anesthesia ( Anastacia for Tari) at exactly 11:13 and I was not pleasant. I was in so much pain. I was lying flat on my back and the pressure on my shoulder was horrible. I got LOTS of morphine which had me zonked all day yesterday. When it was time for me to get dressed to go home, the nurse was very rough. She was movin g my arm around like it was rag doll and the next thing I knew I was feeling way lighthead and she was yelling for a nurse to help. I almost passed out from the pain. I wanted to yell at her, but greater forces and drugs controlled my temper.
I am like a baby again. My mommy has to help me do the most intimate of hygeine details, and I just have to let go of my independence until I get better. Takyra is loving being my helper. Her favorite part is brushing and braiding my hair ( the braids get better each time). I have a pain pump still inserted in my shoulder for the next couple of days so I am trying to move my arm like they want me to without hurting myself, but I also have to remember to take the pump everywhere I go (that's what the black strap around my neck is to). I am trying to spend as much time out of the sling as possible to try to speed up my recovery. Hopefully it goes pretty fast and I can get back to normal (or as close as possible for a LeBlanc).
Thank you for your prayers so far and I ask that you continue to pray for my recovery.

Psycho Psychic

2006-02-27T15:09:00.000-08:00

Yes, this title will make sense to you in a minute. I was just reading Cari's evotion and it got me thinking about my weekend. Cari is talking about that direct line to God and being able to hear what He says.
Stay with me on this, because it may seem like I'm off subject for a little bit here. I don't know that my family is as aware as my friends are, but I've been known to have a very intuitive nature. Off the top of my head, I will ask someone about their plans to have children. Within a week I get a phone call that they are pregnant. That is my strongest intuition. Once in awhile I will say something that seems way off base and it happens. For instance, a few weeks ago I was at work and my coworker and I were cleaning. She was tired and I just wanted to go home for the day. We had 5 clients left between us. I made the comment, "Watch! None of our last clients will show up."( Is that better Tari?) Sure enough, we stood around waiting and none of the final clients showed up, none of which were related. Mallory, who claims to have psychic dreams, was majorly impressed. She asked me what else I can "see." Friends have questioned my "abilities" before, and wondered how much I could predict. As always, I tell them I don't predict anything. I say something and it may or may not come true. True I made a comment during my second year in the Army that it would be a good deal to have a child right before getting out of the Army so that they pay for it, yet you don't have to stay in the service. Did I plan it that way with Takyra? NO. Did I know that the comment I made would come true? NO.
When I was stationed in Korea, one night I could not shake the idea that my boyfriend, who lived in Germany, was hurt somehow. I thought maybe he was sick or injured. This was odd because he never got sick. I tried all day to get in touch with him. Finally, I got a return call. He had been injured in a basketball game and had to get stitches, and he came down with strep throat. My intuition was calmed after hearing from him.
The question is and has been; "Am I psychic?" NO WAY! When friends ask, I have an answer that I know is right. I only get my strong intuition about people I am closest too, most of which are Christians. I believe that my angels are talking to their angels and whispering in my ear what's going on. Seriously, I do believe that God makes us all sensitive to the people closest to us. We all get "gut" feelings about things. Those aren't really gut feelings, it's God whispering in our hearts. We don't sit there and say " Okay gut tell me what to do!" We pray and we go with what our heart tells us to do, but so many times we say it is "gut instinct."
Yesterday, I was in touch with my angels and God. Before the church service I had been thinking about my past and it was weighing on me. I was also thinking about possibilities for the service. I had no idea what the service was about before I got to church, but sure enough I was right on track. Deja vous! Where it went bad, I had also had a thought about someone going into the church and taking Takyra. Sometimes my thoughts can be a bit psychotic, I know. We went to church in the morning and everything was fine. I was a little more at ease. Last night mom took Takyra to the store before taking her to church, while I stayed home. The thought weighed on me some more. I lay in bed ( I needed a major nap because my shoulder pain had me worn out) and turned on the TV. It was a show about child abductions resulting in death. My heart was pounding. I called mom's cell phone at least 10 times trying to get her to answer. I called church, but she was not there yet, so I knew Takyra had to be safe so far. I just sat there and prayed, "Lord, please protect Takyra!" Mom never called my phone back, but she did manage to call her house phone and my cell, which were not the ones I called from. Hello, return a call to the exact number that called you. I had to tell myself not to be the frantic mom. I was questioning my instinct.
So, how do I tell if my intuition (angel whispers) are real or not? I don't. Times like yesterday where it is a matter of my daughter's safety make me crazy. I had to question myself the entire time wondering if I was a bad mom for thinking it is just a crazy thought and it won't happen so just relax. What if she would have been taken and I was still sitting in my room trying to call my mom? (I would have blamed her first before taking the blame myself)
There are times I can't stand the intuitive thoughts. I have to hold strong and know that God will talk to me and I have to be open to what He is saying. I pray that my bad intuition never comes true.
My daughter came home safe and happy from church last night. I gave her a big hug, told I loved her, and explain stranger safety to her AGAIN. Isn't it sad though, my big realization in my thought yesterday, anyone can walk in to a church. It is great that the church has open arms to greet them, but how many of us would question a new face wandering around the church? As I tell Takyra all the time, "It only takes a minute for someone to take a child, if even that long." we all tell our children to stay close to us when we go shopping, or to an event, but we walk into church and trust that everyone there is genuinely good and of Christian faith. We let our kids go wherever they choose inside the church, because we believe them to be safe inside those walls. The harsh reality, I have walked through my church in the evening. There are only a couple of classes in the basement at night and the hallways rarely see any traffic at all. The rest of the church is in the service or nursery. There are exits both up and down stairs at each end of the church (it is a small church with one hallway straight through the upstairs and downstairs). My thought could have easily become reality.
So I label myself the psycho psychic! It makes me crazy and puts all kinds of horrible thoughts in my head. I praise God for returning my daughter to me everyday safe from the horrible people in this world. I see the news and hear about another child being abducted, and I don't want to know that feeling of having my child ripped from my life.
I don't understand how a person can look at a child they have never known and think they have the right to take them out of this world. Tarisa and I used to run around our neighborhood all the time without a care in the world. I don't allow Takyra out of the culdesac and someone is always out watching her. I pray that when she is out of my sight, God keeps her safe until she is back with me again.

Mamma's don't let your babies grow up!!!

2006-02-18T20:06:00.000-08:00

I was catching up with technology tonight and finally decided to transfer all the files on floppy disc over to CD. I know, I'm so not up with the latest. Most of them are pictures I took with a digital camera, which was purchased 7 years ago. For those of you who are like me and don't keep up, that's ancient for a digital camera, or any camera. I was checking out the pictures as I transferred them. Wow, time flies by so fast.
Kids grow up way too fast. For those of you with small children, under 2 years, this will happen no matter what you do. Warnings don't help. I tell all my clients' parents it will fly by before they know it. I was looking at the pictures and realizing that even I got warnings back then. But how do you slow time down? No amount of preparation makes your children grow up any slower. Once they get to age 5 you no longer want to slow things down, because they know too much for their own good and you can't wait for them to use that knowledge in college, far, far away. But then you look back at the pictures and you remember the sounds, the smells, and the INNOCENCE. To this day one sound melts me and makes me want to have another baby in a heartbeat. When a baby is hysterically crying and it seems like they are at the point of no return. Mommy or daddy finally finds the pacifier and plugs it in the baby's mouth. The next sound gets me every time. That noise of I want to cry but I want to suck this pacifier too. If you don't understand, you will some day when you are out doing errands or something and it will happen, then this story will click!
Takyra has grown up so fast. I look at the pictures and I can't believe how long it has been and yet how fast time flew. I showed Takyra the pictures and she even thought she was cute. She asked me why I let her grow up. I let her know I had no control over that. In the same breath I also reminded her that had she not grown up, she wouldn't be able to do all the things she is doing today.
Yes, when they are babies we hold them, confident that our arms and our love will protect them from everything. We pray every day that they are safe and that they stay close by us. Then the reality of it hits and we know we can't shelter them in our arms all through life and they have to take that first step (or crawl). We spend their lives teaching them and molding them so that they can grow to be strong, independent adults who make wise decisions. It is truly bittersweet.
They do grow fast. All we can do is watch and grow with them and cherish every moment.

"Train up a child in the way he should go and he shall not depart from it."Proverbs 22:6

Medical Mysteries

2006-02-06T13:14:00.000-08:00

After 2 1/2 weeks of pain in my shoulder, I am still trying to figure out what is wrong with it. It hurts, but why? Today I had an MRI. Not a pleasant experience, but I was tough and shed no tears. Nothing like being frozen in one position for almost an hour, and the position they have you in is one that causes tremendous pain to the injured site. Hello! That's like someone walking up and seeing a bruise on your arm then poking it and saying, "Does that hurt?"!!! I tell the Dr. it hurts to turn or lift my arm. What is the first thing they do? Turn it and lift it up way high so they can see the painful expressions on my face. I'm sure that's exactly why they do it. So, I will have my results read on Wednesday. To top off the pain, the doctors won't be at my beckon call on my time schedule so I can ge the answers I want...NOW!
Last night, I was telling mom that after all this pain and frustration, they'll tell me nothing is wrong with my shoulder at all. I am known for my mystery illnesses and injuries. If I'm going to have something happen, it has to have unknown symptoms and end up being nothing at all wrong with me. Mom and I took a moment to laugh at my best medical mystery of all time. YIPES STRIPES!!! Tarisa might already be laughing with this one.
There is humor, information, and caution in this story so please take notes. One evening, after a day outside, the family noticed I had some marks on my face. They didn't burn, tingle, or itch, as a rash possibly would. They were just there. The next morning they were just as red as the night before. Mom decided to call the doctor. We went and he looked me over just to give a baffled expression and no diagnosis. Two more doctors with the same outcome. By the time we saw the third doctor the lines had faded a bit and turned more brown than red. He had no idea what should be done or what even caused the marks. I was stuck with multiple stripes down my face. As we left the third doctor's office and headed toward home (after mom had spent the past couple of days off work and worried sick about the skin disorder her daughter seemed to have) the clouds broke and the ray of sunlight shone on me. Mom could not believe we had just spent all this time trying to figure out my ailment just to find out the true diagnoses. I have this wonderful cousin, we'll call her Jennifer. I wanted to be just like her. She had all the friends, a gorgeous body, a tan, and most important, beautiful blonde hair. "How do I get my hair blonde like that?" "LEMON JUICE!" That's right. Lemon juice is supposed to make your hair lighter...And apparently your skin darker. When I had put the lemon juice in my hair, it had dripped down on my face . I burned on the spots where the lemon juice had striped it's way down my face. By the third doctor it had faded to a nice striped tan. Lesson learned. If you are going to listen to your cousin, or anyone else you mold your teenage years after, make sure there will be no side effects. If you use lemon juice in your hair, keep a towel handy to wipe off the drips, or just use the lemon juice all over your body so that you can achieve a nice even tan without stripes. (Please avoid eyes as it will burn) No I have not tried the whole body lemon treatment, but I figure if it's going to get on the skin you might as well cover the whole thing.
So, I am thinking back on all this, wondering if this is yet another medical mystery for me where the outcome is nothing or something so stupid, like I'm sleeping on it wrong or something. That would just be my luck. Not that I want to be out of work for a long time, I just want answers as to why my shoulder hurts so bad!!

Long Time!

2006-01-30T12:03:00.000-08:00

Well, I see it has been awhile since my last post. A few things have happened since then. Like...a wreck. On January 19 I was driving home from work. I decided to go by Target to get some coffee and on the exit ramp I slid on the ice and tapped the car next to me. We pulled over to check out any damage. There was none. Luckily, I am a somewhat smart driver and was going slow enough that I didn't even leave a scratch on either car. She suggested we get back in our cars, as we had already called the cops. I decided to call dad and let him know I had a minor incident and would be home in a little bit. Well, I didn't get all those words out of my mouth. I did however say " Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!", as I saw headlights coming straight at me. I was in park with hazards on, but no seatbelt at this time. She hit almost straight on from behind and sent me into the other car, I originally didn't even scratch, and back out into traffic. My first thought, "I thought my car was in park." I looked and it was in park, but how did I get all the way over here? Dad was on his way, luckily I had already told him my location. My neck hurt a little, but nothing to send me to the hospital over. I was thankful I wasn't lying in the middle of the road, knowing just a minute before she hit me I was right in front of my car looking at the lack of damage I had done to the other car. We all stood out in the snow for awhile before the State Trooper came along. He made sure I was okay from my neck injury and instructed me to go to the ER if it got any worse. I had a chiropractor appointment in the morning so I figured I'd just have him check it out and make sure I was okay. By midnight, my entire back hurt and my left shoulder was sore. The next morning the chiropractor took x-rays of my neck and all was well, so he adjusted me and said I should notice a big difference. Come Monday, my shoulder still hurt and the pain went down through my fingers. He thought it was a partial dislocation. I decided to call my regular Dr. and have them take x-rays of just the shoulder. I couldn't get in until this morning. Torn ligaments and a separated collarbone from the shoulder joint. No wonder I hurt so much. The remedy? Take two aspirin and call me in the morning. Seriously, I am taking Aleve and then I have to put heat on it as much as possible. I'm supposed to take it easy from work so I don't cause more injury, and yet he wants me to do a couple of exercises to help. The Aleve does nothing for the pain so far, and I 've taken the maximum dosage of it. My work is trying to be sympathetic, and yet they want me to work all day tomorrow and then they'll "see" what they can do about the rest of the week. But next week looks much better for time off. If only injuries worked that way. ( It won't hurt that much this week but next week will be worse) I guess I'll just have to suck it up an drive on.
Takyra was with my mom in the mountains when the wreck happened. Even so I was worried about them driving with the road conditions up there. I prayed the entire day they were driving back, asking God to keep them safe the whole way home. Mom told Takyra about the accident right before they got home. She was devastated. I explained why it is so important for me to make sure I say "I love you" before we part ways for the day. I told her how I don't like to end things in argument because you never know what can happened that day.
Our new favorite song is Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel." Takyra has it memorized and understands it's meaning. To think back and know I could have been outside that car, and would now be in the hospital, or worse, 6 feet under. Something like this does make one analyze life and how they've lived it. "Jesus take the wheel. Take it from my hands, cause I can't do this on my own. I'm letting go. Give me one more chance. Save me from this road I'm on. Jesus take the wheel."

Christmas Lights

2006-01-04T16:35:00.000-08:00

Here are some houses close by us that go WAY out each year. I can't imagine the electric bill.

It's already 2006?

2006-01-04T15:59:00.000-08:00

I knew I hadn't posted anything in my blog in awhile, but this is crazy. December flew by. I am realizing the older I get the faster time flies. I didn't even get to really enjoy the Christmas season. I love the sights, sounds, and smells of Christmas and it all passed me by this year. I feel like I was working and shopping the whole month of December.
When Christmas did finally arrive, it also decided not to take it's time and linger a bit. Takyra woke up at 4 am Christmas morning. She came to my room excited that Santa got her a snowboard ( it only had a bow on it). I realized the time and told her to lay down and go back to sleep until everyone was awake. At 6:50 am I heard the pitter patter of monster 8-year-old feet. Mema was up with Takyra. I asked if she woke up her Mema and she assured me she didn't, but she also let me know she had never gone back to sleep.
Takyra woke up Tarisa and Papa. Papa got the bouncing wake up. We all gathered in the living room in our Christmas Eve/day pajamas ( a new tradition we have started). Takyra read the Christmas story out of the Bible for us. We looked in our stockings then opened our presents. I think we almost hit a record time for openeing all the presents in the house. We went to church, then to the theater to see "Little Shop of Horrors". Busy, busy.
Time seems to fly way to fast. I can't believe that all this seems as though it was just yestreday adn yet it was almost two weeks ago.
New Year's was almost not fun for me and Takyra. I got home from work to find out that Takyra had slammed her finger in the car door when Mema, Papa, and Tarisa took her up to the mountains. From the picture above(taken not long after the finger smashing incident) one cannot tell she was in pain. It was swollen and had a big cut across the knuckle. I took her to the ER and had prepared for a long wait by rbinging puzzle books to occupy our time. Every couple of minutes, Takyra would ask what time it was. It finally dawned on me, she was worried she would miss the count down to New Year's. Luckily, our preparation for the long wait made the visit a short one. It always seems true that if you have nothing to pass time, then it will take forever, but if you have something, you are finished in no time. We got to the ER about 6 :30 and were out by 8:30. No broken finger, and my daughter was more excited that she would get to celebrate New Year's. I don't think she would have cared if it was broken so long as she got out of the hospital in time. She is now glad it is not broken because she can do gymnastics. We both celebrated New year's and our trip to the ER was just a little delay in our festivities.
All in all, the holidays were fun, but fast. I pray that one day the season slows down again so I can actually enjoy the entire time leading up to Christmas.

The Best Birthday Party Ever

2005-12-12T21:10:00.000-08:00

This past Saturday, Takyra had her 8th birthday party. She invited two friends and they went to my salon and got pampered, then we went to Red Robin to eat, then we got lost. Literally. We were supposed to go see a play in Castle Rock. Well, the play was not where the website said it would be. I called back to the house and mom said she saw that it is supposed to be at the Douglas county fairgrounds. I pulled in to the parking lot of the fairgrounds and there was a long line...of grown men. Somehow I didn't think this was the play. I asked the most descent looking man passing by what was going on. "Cage fighting!" Umm, not the best idea for an 8-yr-old's birthdya party. I was at wits end. I was ready to bawl. the only thing that kept the girls' sanity is the DVD player I was smart enough to bring to tie up their time in the car. After asking about 4 people where the play might be held, I decided to try the street I had been up about twenty times that night. I know 4th street in Castle Rock all too well. I finally confessed to the girls I was lost and that we may not make it to the play. Luckily we had over an hour start getting there. we used up most of the time trying to find it. The girls were good sports and realized I was frustrated. But I really wanted them to see this play. I went to the corner coffee shop on 4th street and asked the two customers and the two workers all at once if they knew of the play. One of the workers knew. Amen! Praise the Lord! there are good people around during the hectic holidays. I had been on the right street, it was just blocked by a big hill with a railroad track running right through. The roads were all being redone and it was crazy, yet simple if you knew the area. So we made it in time.
The play was perfect. We saw "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever." The girl who played Gladys Herdman was too cute and she was so serious about her part. The girl had to be no older than 6 and she kept the meanest look on her face. She was the angle of the Lord in the pageant and gladys believed the angel of the Lord must have had super powers, so she said "SHAZAM, I bring you good tidings of great joy!!!" Then it got to the part where Imogene Herdman finally realized how precious that baby, born so many years ago, was. I got chills up and down my spine. I cried. It was beautiful. Silly in all the right spots and then the true meaning of Christmas touches you so deeply. It is a children's book, but I recommend any adult read it. The girls loved the play. Their favorites and mine were Imogene and Gladys. Takyra loved her party and I would gladly do it again in a heartbeat.

Brrrrrrrrrr!

2005-12-08T06:18:00.000-08:00

It is COLD! Sunday we went to cut down our Christmas tree. We went up to North Fork around noon and the temperature was already freezing. We figured out how easy it is for people to get lost in the mountains. Dad and I would walk and walk looking up at trees rather than down at the ground to make sure we were walking a straight line. We would find a tree, but felt there might be a better one if we just kept walking. Mom and Takyra were tagging behind. We finally found one we all liked, but dad kept on walking. He finally came back and we cut down our tree.
On the way back home, we stopped in Conifer at this huge sledding hill. There were about 40 people sledding, snowboarding, and tubing. Takyra and I walked quite a ways to get to the hill and by the time we got to the top we were miserable. It was so cold our faces were frozen. We sled down the hill and it was so much fun. It was a long run so we picked up speed and went a long ways. I think we went down about 5 times and on the last time Takyra wanted to ride in back of me, because she didn't like the snow hitting her in the face. It stung so bad when that snow blew up on our cheeks. Even though she had fun sledding, she was miserable from the cold.
The last few days have been freezing. Yesterday we hit 8 degrees for about 30 minutes then it went back down. This morning we are at -5. Brrrr! I love the cold, but the wind can be brutal and makes it not so fun. I'm hoping we get some good, wet snow so we can make snow bears. Stay warm and enjoy the cold!

Okie Holiday

2005-12-02T20:27:00.000-08:00

Last week was a lot of fun in Oklahoma! Too bad it was a short trip and I spent most of it in the bathroom... doing hair!! What were you thinking? Ewww! I like that I got to make everyone beautiful, I just wish I would have had more time to enjoy everyone's company without looking at the back of their head.
The cousins have lost it! When I say "it" I mean their ability to stay up into the wee hours laughing hysterically. The last couple of times I have gone back we have turned in earlier than ever before. We played Cranium and Jennifer and I were doomed fromthe beginning. You have two women who never picked up a book in their younger years and the reading we do now, we probably don't understand half of it. Trivia is not my thing. Oh and yes, I mouthed the word "pig" to Jennifer for "pig in a blanket." It slipped, I was frustrated, but no one knew...until now. Cari and Sarah beat us. What does that tell you?
I enjoyed seeing the kids all getting along as well as that many 8-yr-olds could. Even better, the bond that Takyra and Brandon seem to have on these visits. Yes, that can mean trouble at times, but it was nice to see that each of them had something in common with another that helped them all come together as a group.
It was good to see everyone, even if only for about 30 minutes (Brad and Vikki).
Cari, I'm sorry, but I had to do it. Okay, I'm not sorry. This was too fun to pass up. Your fun with this wierd hat thingy was good entertainment for the whole group. Our livers are very healthy now!
I hope the next time I come to OKC I have time to enjoy the stay and maybe even go see some places I haven't seen in awhile or at all.

Gymnastics

2005-12-02T20:24:00.000-08:00

Takyra had her first Friday night gymnastics class in the Blue level. She had so much fun. She loves that it is two hours long now. She loves to be at the gym. tonight she was doing front and back handsprings and back flips. Here is a picture I caught while she was taking a private lesson to get ready for the next level. Yeah hand stand on the vault!!!

Feel the Love

2005-12-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I have just read Tarisa's and Cari's blogs. Wow! First of all, let's put some happy in this blog. It snowed here a couple of weeks ago and I caught a great picture of Takyra and Boomer. She was so happy to get to play out in the snow and I let Boomer out front to join her. Boomer loves to catch snowballs in his mouth. It is way better than his regular chew toys being thrown to him. My babies are so cute!!!
Second, if you see Sky High, the movie, one of the characters is from our church. His younger brother used to be Takyra's "boyfriend" Ben. Both Aaron and Ben Leddick are out in L.A. pursuing acting and producing careers. Aaron was recently offered a role for a film, but he did not agree with the content, as it went against his Christian values, and turned it down. Yea them!
As for the whole Christmas hoopla! Does Target have religious cards in their card section? Just food for thought. I know Walmart has Christian products. I was looking at keychains the other day and there was a whole section of keychains with religious sayings. Yea Walmart! Yes, I have bought my daughter Christmas presents. Yes, one came from Target. ( Hey it was cheap). So, why not shop at the Christian stores? Give them your business. I have received several emails from different people about all the things we Christians need to be "shouting" about. I remember the rally we went to as a youth group boycotting abortion. It was at the Oklahoma State Capitol Building, and we all had our sweatshirts with all the facts about unborn fetus' that make them human. Across from our rally, on the opposite corner were supporters of abortion, yelling and screaming. I know we were celebratory in our cause to fight abortion, but I don't remember standing up there yelling out and screaming my point of view to win the cause. In my last entry I commented on the strengths of people who have so many obstacles in their life, and yet they continue to give God all the glory. They aren't shouting their beliefs of "PRAISE GOD EVEN WHEN YOU ARE IN YOUR DARKEST MOMENTS!!!" They are peaceful examples of how we as Christians should live our lives. When you walk into the mall, do you like to be bombarded by sales people? "Buy this!" "Try this, you'll love it!" Don't we like the people who are respectful of our space and then find the opportune time to approach us and make a pitch? My point, yes, we need to act as Christians and get this country and the rest of the world back to the basics of God. BUT, if we start parading and shouting, we are going to turn more people away. There is a time for everything. Petition, petition, petition.
Regardless of what the Democrats of this nation think. I am honored to have a president who has such great morals and religious beliefs. I am not terribly worried about the atheists of the world while he is in office because I know he will not allow God to be taken out of our nation. Yes, we need to assure ourselves that once he is out of office the next president will not ban religious beliefs altogether.
Atheists need to place their money in their wallets face up and not turn the bills over(coins face down, I think). They can ask that their children be allowed to hold their ears during the pledge of allegiance at school. Guess what! The children of atheists probably don't mind saying the Pledge of Allegiance with the word God in it. We as Christians need to educate our children that not all people have the same beliefs as us, and that we are not wrong for our beliefs being different from theirs.
I love that there are still so many people who praise God. There are still so many more who need to know what the celebration is all about.

Trials and Triumph

2005-11-17T07:13:00.000-08:00

How many times have I cried over the things that God hasn't given me? Too many. I have had several days where I have asked God, "Why am I not worthy of receiving good things in life?" We all have our days of down. Then I am emailed an update on Jennifer Mahoney. I am in awe of the faith and strength the family has in the middle of what most people would consider the end of the world for them. They are inspiring.
Yesterday, I was cutting a little girls hair and I noticed she had a bruise on her cheek and she was broken out in a rash. Turns out she has major eczema. While talking to her mom I found out the girl has major issues with asthma too. Her last asthma attack had her coughing so hard she broke the blood vessels in her cheek, that explains the bruise. Her rash is from her allergy to the sun. If she is in the sun for very long her skin turns bright red with bumps all over it and she itches like mad. She had been scratching her arm and I lifted the haircutting cape to find her arm was bright red. She had just walked from the car to the salon and this had happened. To top it off, mom then shares with me that she is 6 weeks pregnant. I congratulated her, but she then informed me that she isn't sure she will be able to keep it as she has had many miscarriages. Her response to the whole situation involving the miscarried babies and that of her daughter with her medical problems. "God has reasons for it all and I just have to trust He knows what he is doing." I have told people that before. " God has a reason for it." But to hear it from someone else who has so much going on, it's a slap of wake-up. I pray God does give her this baby. I am honored that a fellow Christian is able to use her tragedy and turn it into triumph by praising God through it all.
So, when I hear these stories, I look back at my whining and realize how selfish I can be. Does it mean that my prayers are insignificant compared to these? NO. It just means I need to take a step back and realize life could be so much worse, but even if it is worse, God has His reasons and is worthy of praise through it all.

Been Awhile

2005-11-13T15:54:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a little while since I updated. There's not much going on around here. Just living everyday and trying to figure out how I am going to pay for Takyra's birthday and Christmas. After it's all over with I'll realize it wasn't so hard to save up for. There are bargains everywhere if we just look.
I had it easy on one birthday. My boyfriend, Corwin, aka CoCo, didn't want anything. So I got him a card. Sweet, simple, and it said Happy Birthday! Whatever works right? He's been in a mood lately. I guess two months of hard training for a bodybuilding competition can do that to someone. Talk about willpower. This man has stuck strictly to his diet of pure protein and few carbs for the past couple of months. No sugar, no fat, nothing bad. I can't do that for a week. But I got to wish him a Happy Birthday and Good Luck for his competition. It will all be over with this time next week. This competition decides if he goes pro or retires. Hopefully the first of the two.
I am getting ready for our trip to OKC Thanksgiving week. It will be nice to see everyone. I'm looking forward to G-ma's homemade buns. My G-ma C has the best buns in the world. I am hoping the cousins aren't getting so old we can't have at least one night of delirious, hysterical board games. Long ago, our parents would play board games late into the evening. The cousins all took it up a notch. We play well into the night. Say 1-2am. You know those times when you've stayed up so late that everything seems funny to you? Even looking at the person across from you cracks you up. Ours is worse. We look at the game cards and see words that aren't really there. If pictionary is involved, we resort to crude drawings. Should a certain male cousin dare to join us at the table he is easily embarrassed at the mention of anything that has to do with the female body. Amazing he even has a child. Of course, we don't dare tone it down for him. It is just pure fun. As one cousin recently stated, "Laughing is good for your liver." After a night of games we all have the best livers in the world. I can't wait.
One week to go, but whose counting?

May the Force Meow!!

2005-11-03T14:18:00.000-08:00

I have realized I have put everything about me, myself, and my daughter on this blog, but I've excluded a few family members. Our newest members are the Skywalkers. Anakin and Amidala (okay in the movie her first name is Padme) are our kittens of teenage mentality. Anakin, who is actually the runt of the litter, is now very muscular. He is the independent explorer. He checks everything out and okays the trouble he and Amidala are about to get into. Amidala on the other hand, is my little love bug. Yes, I call her all kinds of cutesy names. She loves to greet me on the bathroom cabinet. I can barely brush my teeth without her butting in for my attention and affection. She nuzzles me as if to say "Pet me NOW!!" Anakin sees all this affection for Amidala and then he decides that maybe he's not so independent that he can't jump on my lap and receive a good scratch behind the ear.
Boomer, our retriever mix, had no clue what to do with the tiny, bite sized creatures that entered our house in July. He learned that they weren't edible, by the famliy standards. Amidala still doesn't trust him. She thinks that a man of his size and nature must be out to get her. I am learning I should take after her a little. She exercises caution around such men, and knows to stand back. If he approaches, she stands her ground and let's him know he can "talk to the paw." Anakin took a couple of introductions to Boomer before he realized Boomer's tail is an awesome cat toy, and the dog attached isn't so bad either. Boomer usually lays on the ground when the cats are in the room so that he isn't so scary to them. Anakin pushes all the buttons by playing with Boomer's tail and paws. Before long Boomer is up and trying to figure out how to play with such a small animal. About all he has learned to do with Anakin is just jump back and have that playful expression while wagging his tail. There is still the confusion as to how he can actually play with Anakin so he just push his wet nose into Anakin's side and pushes him around a bit. Anakin loves this and takes it as cue to latch onto Boomers face. Amidala, clings to me and watches her brother with fascination,never daring to try it herself.
So there you have it. I have officially included the whole family in my blog.

There's No Place Like Home

2005-11-03T14:07:00.000-08:00

Well, it happened again. I stumbled across a house listing that was dirt cheap. This time it was a great deal. I met my realtor at lunch yesterday and we checked out the house that I managed to find through the tears I was shedding during my last post to this blog. So I was bawling, feeling sorry for myself, when suddenly the light of the screen shone about me and there it was in all it's beauty. The angels sang, the heavens opened, and I stopped thinking about me. Well, no I didn't. I just thought of a happy me in my possible new house.
It was a little beat up, but nothing a few repairs (or Andrew Dan Jumbo) couldn't take care of. I walked out of the house, looked at my realtor and said, "Let's do it!"
Only one huge problem. Someone already put an offer on the house. Two more problems after that. There were two back-up offers.
What to do now. Now we get serious about buying a house. Now we sit down and find out exactly where I want to live and we watch and wait for the good deals to come up. Then we jump on them!!! Takyra deserves her own room to decorate and put her toys in. She wakes up in the morning and hits her head on the ceiling because the basement ceiling panels are so low. She has to do the military crawl in and out of bed. If I find something before Christmas, I am hoping to get her room all fixed up for her as a present.
So, hopefully in the near future there is an entry telling you all about our new home!!

A Time for Change

2005-11-01T18:09:00.000-08:00

There is a time for everything. Now is time for change. Maybe it's the PMS speaking. Maybe it's my frustration with where I am in life. Maybe it's my frustration with the people in my life. I don't know what it is. What I do know is that it is time to change some of the things about myself, since who I have been for the past almost 31 years has not been good enough. I look at who I have always been...an honest, loyal person who gives whole heartedly. There have never been any secrets to my life. I've always been told, "You'll make someone a good wife someday." Gee thanks, do I get a certificate for that?
I see a lot of me in my daughter and that scares me. I don't want her to question who she has always been. I want people to accept her and long to be around her.
Lately, I have analyzed my personality from every angle and I realize I am made up of all the negative characteristics of my parents. Throw in some creativity and you have me. Yes, I live with my parents which seems to feed those characteristics even more.
So now I have to change. If it weren't for my parents' love for my daughter and vice versa, or Takyra's love of her gym, I'd pack up and move to another country in a heartbeat. Start over fresh, while changing who I am. But I am not that cruel. I can't take her that far from them. Even so, I have to get out and away.
I'm scared. Scared that trying to change myself, might make me lose myself altogether. Scared that by toughening up, I might eventually build a barrier too high to be broken. Scared that once I do change I find out someone actually appreciated the old me. HA!
Today, I realized I am not memorable. I am not good enough to be remembered. I am okay for the moment that someone decides they might like my company, but then I'm forgotten. As dedicated as I am to anyone and everyone who enters my life, somehow it isn't enough. Funny, all the people I have ever loved, could never tell me they ever loved me until after we were torn apart. I was under the impression that when you love someone, they can tell by your actions and it is never questioned. I don't think anyone has ever had to question me. As for all of them, the question still remains.

Halloween

2005-10-31T19:20:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween!!! I went to Takyra's school and helped out with the Halloween party this afternoon. A lot of fun, but I started losing my voice again due to calling out the bingo names. Yes names. They did Halloween Bingo. They made dirt pudding with gummy worms. Unfortunately the other moms and the teacher have no clue about Takyra's sensitivity to seeing gross things. Luckily I realized just in time and looked at Takyra to see her watching the boy across from her eating the concoction. She started gagging so I ran and got her and kept her from looking at anyone with the pudding mix. After everyone finished their treats Takyra was able to join the party again.
We ran home and got ready for Takyra's gymnastics class. We were under the impression she was testing up today. Well, she tested, but she won't get her certificate for a few weeks. That's okay by us. We have a spot reserved on the wall for it though. Even so, I couldn't help but laugh at her. She was so goofy a few times and it's as though everything she has worked so hard to learn has suddenly leaked out of her brain. Then she would get it and did a great job.
Takyra decided that next year she wants to be an evil spirit gymnast. Since tonight was Halloween, we decided to go ahead and make her an evil spirit gymnast and then she just looked beat up in the BDU's after. She ended up telling everyone at gymnastics that she fell off the beam a few too many times.
When we got home, we changed her into the BDU costume. We went out Trick-or-Treating and decided to go a little further than usual in the neighborhood. Around the corner from our house, is a house that has been decorated for awhile. It was kind of creepy. I talked Takyra into going up to the door before we even approached the house. As we got closer, I noticed a new decoration. A creepy masked man leaning up against the garage. I shined the flashlight in his eyes and he didn't move, but I told Takyra to go to the next house because that thing was real. I was spooked. We kept looking at him but he didn't move. Once we were close to the next house he finally moved and tried to give her candy. She was about to bawl. I had to get the candy for her. I warned everyone with small kids about the house, but it was a lot of fun standing across the street watching the teens go over. He stayed on her mind and once we went around to a darker street, she was ready to head home. She is scared to go anywhere in the house alone now. I see a night with a little girl in my bed.
Happy Halloween!

Understanding

2005-10-31T09:50:00.000-08:00

Takyra and I finally had an understanding. I have gotten so tired of her mouthing off and thinking she is invincible. This happens most right after she's been around her friends outside of school. They get to having fun and acting however 7-almost 8-year-olds act. Next thing I know, she is getting a smart mouth.
She also has this little ADD thing going on. I will tell her to do something and she is easily sidetracked and totally forgets what she was supposed to do. I have to give her one thing to do at a time. I even sat there this morning watching her get dressed and once she got to the shoes, she was looking around her room and picking things up that had nothing to do with getting dressed. She still had the shoe in her hand. I had to tell her over and over to finish getting dressed.
So we have come to an agreement. She is going to try to listen to me more. We also have agreed to try to be better friends and stop talking mean to each other. It's gone well so far. we are changing our tone with each other and it seems to make the days start a little brighter.
Last night, Takyra came to me and said she needed my help. " Mom, can you teach me how to act more like a lady?" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA! Oh did I say HA? I repeated the question to Mema and she agreed my daughter was asking the wrong person for that. So with the help of Mema we talked about the simple things of acting like a lady. First on the list, quit chasing boys!! Let them chase you! Wow, more advice that works for mommy too. She wasn't too thrilled about that one and she admitted she chases boys all the time. We gave her a few more pointers that I am sure she will forget by, well, now. Takyra does not want to be a Tomboy. I have assured her there is nothing wrong with being a Tomboy so long as you know when to act like a lady.
Yes, I still have my Phillips 66 gasoline truck. I wore Oklahoma Sooner shirts that were for boys. I even had the short haircut and was called a boy when I would go door to door to sell candy bars for school fundraisers. There's nothing wrong with having a little Tomboy in every girl. I can change my car's oil and filter. I can design and build things out of wood. I don't mind getting dirty. BUT, I also love to dress up once in awhile, just as I will in two weeks for "Phantom of the Opera." I like to sew, paint, and cook/bake. There is nothing wrong with a woman who can do all these things. Hopefully my daughter learns to embrace everything about herself.
So, we are going through the adjustments of treating others the way one wants to be treated, and learning how to act the way a girl should, but still maintaining the characteristics that will make her a strong independent woman....many years from now.
She's still my baby, going on 8!

Exhale

2005-10-30T13:29:00.000-08:00

What a year! I mean a literal 12 months. One year ago, I thought I had met "THE ONE!" In May, he demolished me. How does one handle being hurt by a man she thought would be there forever? I guess I never really handled it. I kept seeing him every week at gymnastics. Every Monday night throughout Tuesday morning I would be depressed. Every week I got a reminder of who it was I fell for. The man who coaches his team on the gym floor is totally different from the man outside the gym. All his energy is used at the gym and everything else became leftovers. So, when I go to the gym I see that enthusiasm. I see the spark and the motivation and it is very intriguing. I got to the point I didn't want to be depressed anymore. I have prayed long and hard many times about the situation, but I knew my prayers couldn't be answered if I continued to face what caused my frustration on a weekly basis.
I stopped watching Takyra's gymnastics. I would drop her off and leave. 6 weeks I have stayed away from the gym. Away from the man who I could not look at without feeling all the stress of what happened. It is hard to explain the actual feelings I had, but I was tired of them and I had to get away. I felt that I needed a break so that I could focus my energy on more useful things and thoughts. However, he continues to stay on my mind. As much as I would like for amnesia to set in when it comes to this man, he always works his way into my thoughts.
Last week, Takyra had a private gymnastics lesson and I showed up for a little while to watch her. I had turned to look out the window, because Mema was waiting for me in her car. When I turned I saw that Ennis was there and he waved. I acted as though I had not seen him and just looked past him out the window. The next evening at gymnastics, I attempted to make eye contact due to feeling guilty about ignoring him the day before. No go, so I watched my daughter's gymnastics class for the first time in 6 weeks. I ignored everyone else and tuned in on her. I was not depressed or upset that night or the next day. Time does heal all wounds...or most. So I got over the stress of being in the same room as him. He still fills my thoughts.
Thursday morning, Takyra and I had a little argument about getting ready for school. As usual, our small arguments always turn into something about her dad. She was bawling and saying she misses him and that's why she is so sad and her feelings were hurt. I told her not to bring him up when the argument had nothing to do with him. " Mom, sometimes I feel like you don't love my dad." Darn skippy I don't. I explained that it was not meant for us to be together and I did not have to love him. What was important is that he loves her. The conversation was long and I feel my daughter is getting old enough to understand that he has not been here for her...EVER.
After I dropped her off at school it broke my heart. Realization that it seems that my love is not good enough for anyone on this earth. Sometimes not even for my daughter, who longs to have her own father love her in a way he never will.
I did the only thing I could do, I called my sister, who I knew would not be judgemental. During my conversation with her I said something I thought was good debate for the situation with Takyra, but in saying it out loud it was a big hit at myself. Realization that my daughter is just like me.
Regardless of how bad these men have been to us, or how little they have loved us, we are willing to overlook all these things just to have them be a part of our lives. I don't want my daughter to grow up loving without being loved in return. I don't want her waiting for someone who will not make her wait worthwhile.
When are we worthy of someone's love here on earth? God said that it is not right that man should be alone. I am praying that the reward erases all memory of loneliness. I can't say that I am worth the best, but as for my daughter, she is so deserving of a father who would love her unconditionally. I know that is not her biological father that will do that.
I faced my "fears." Today I went with Takyra to her private gymnastics lesson. I stayed and watched. After it was over, I went to Ennis, I wished him a Happy Halloween and asked how he was doing. He smiled and seemed happy I was talking to him. Funny thing is, I have no voice after my allergies have taken most of it from me. I don't know if he was smiling because I talked to him or if he was laughing at my munchkin voice. After our short conversation I walked out to the car and was content.
Yes, it still hurts. Today was good though. I am moving forward. Every week will remind me, and yes I dread the day I find out he plans to wed. My biggest fear ever is that I am easily forgotten. For now, I feel stronger than I was 6 weeks ago. God hears my prayers. I am learning that some answers are a working progress day by day.

Baptists Dancing?!

2005-10-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

Yes! It is true, my daughter, a baptist, is dancing, and I love it. I was looking at the pictures I took of Takyra's Halloween party at school and I loved the innocence captured. That music was echoing in the gym and these kids couldn't help but dance.
I remember growing up not even knowing how to dance. When the kids at school talked about the upcoming school dances, I was already embarrassed I didn't get to go at all, but even more so that even if I did go I would have no clue what to do. As an adult, who has been dancing, I am so self conscious, and I worry what others think of my dancing. Would that be different had I been dancing my whole life and been allowed to do so in front of friends?
So I look at my daughter. She feels a beat and her hips start swaying and her head is bopping. "You go girl!" It has nothing to do with impressing anyone. She is out there just feeling the music go through her body. She is dancing oldies moves that are adorable and yet she doesn't care or even know that they are "out of date." Yes, she did the mashed potato, the swim, the backstroke, and she held her nose and wiggled down to the ground. Most of all, she had a blast doing them all. I watched her and I wondered how that must feel. Absolute freedom! Just living that moment and allowing herself innocent joy of dance.
I love my God. I love to see my daughter enjoy herself in a way that is not degrading or disrespectful of God. In the Bible they danced before God and rejoiced! I pray my daughter continues to dance for joy.
Put in a little tune and let your feet move from the ground. Be a kid again. Have no cares, no worries, just happiness through the beat.

The Gymnast

2005-10-24T17:57:00.000-07:00

I don't want to jinx my daughter, but I do want to brag on her a little. Okay, maybe it's not all bragging because she still has some things that need a lot of work. My little gymnast had a private lesson yesterday. She was going in to work on her technique. That means pointing her toes and looking somewhat graceful while doing gymnastics. She came out of it doing things she'd neevr done before. Things that even if I told you what they were, you'd have no clue what they are. The things you would know...she did a back handspring on the floor. YEA! AND she did a hand stand on the balance beam. So, what does a mom do that thinks her daughter accomplished a ton in one lesson? Buys her a new leotard! that would be it in the picture. She tests on Halloween night. That means she does some of her skills to see if she is ready to move up to the next level. She has told me it is her dream to be a gymnast. She wants to be at the gym all the time, but for now she goes once a week for class and lately she's done a couple of private lessons. That doesn't stop her from trying to practice at home all the time. I have to stop her!! Maybe I'll have a little competitor next fall. I'll need a new shirt, "Gymnastics Mom!" That or one with her picture on it!

Halloween Costumes

2005-10-24T13:11:00.000-07:00

Have you ever told someone something about them that you meant to be constructive criticism, then it came back to haunt you? I guess that's what you could call what I did. Every Easter, I have Takyra's picture taken in her dress and I have noticed that pastels just don't go well with her dark complexion. A couple of months ago I was shopping for clothes for Takyra and she had picked out something pastel pink. I told her that pink was not her color.
Two weeks ago, I took Takyra to the fabric store to pick out the fabric for her Christmas dress. We also looked for ideas for Halloween. I tried to talk her into being Stephanie from "Lazytown" on Nickelodean. She thought the idea was good for a second, then it came back at me. Stephanie is dressed head to toe in PINK!!! "Mom, you said pink wasn't my color!" So, she nixed the idea of being Stephanie.
She looked through all the pattern books and found many different ideas. Hippies, fairies, pirates,etc. After declining all her choices due to my not wanting to make each of those outfits, she found a page and was so excited. I looked to find it was a camouflage outfit. "Mom please can you make this?" Why spend money on an outfit the Army gave me free, yet at the cost of America's tax money? I told her she could wear my Army BDU's. Quick, simple, and no make-up required to make her itch all night long. Even the boots are a close enough fit for her monster feet.
So here is my little soldier. She looks cute in the outfit, but I told her not to get too comfortable in it. The only battle she ever needs to see is that of kids scrambling to get candy out of a pinata, or running to get the last seat in musical chairs.

Colors of Fall

2005-10-24T13:00:00.000-07:00

There are beautiful colors of fall all around our neighborhood. Our Maple tree had turned gorgeous shades of red and orange. I had been wanting to take a picture of it and never got around to doing so. Mom got a picture of just the tree with all the leaves on it. By the time I got around to taking a picture with me and Takyra it had all of ten leaves on it. So here is the picture of my beautiful daughter with her okay mom. I love this one.

Autumn Days

2005-10-23T16:32:00.000-07:00

Last year, Takyra jumped in a pile of leaves and got slugged. We have slugs all over the yard. This year, she helped Mema and Papa rake leaves, and when they told her to jump in them she remembered last year's events. No way was she jumping. So, Mema went and got a sheet to put over the leaves so Takyra could enjoy the fun of jumping in leaves without the slugs. She jumped, then decided it made a much better bed. She laid down in the sheet covered pile and Boomer decided he too liked the idea, so he joined her. Now the leaves have been turned into stuffing for the big pumpkin trashbag that decorates our lawn.
Happy Autumn!

I'm starting a blog!!!

2005-10-11T18:29:00.000-07:00

Well what do you know. My sister is actually good for something. She can get me set up with a blog. I'm guessing my life was missing something before now that I must have a blog to keep me up on my internet fashion and know-how. I guess this will be a good thing. I've always wanted to write a children's book, but since I never seem to come up with anything clever for a book I might as well just put my wasted thoughts into something like this. LOL Who knows, maybe after typing a million pages over the years, I can one day print all my entries and title it for a book. My brain is actually already storming ideas for future entries of life through my eyes and my daughters...and a few other people I know. I hope whoever reads this is blessed and maybe sometimes inspired.

2005-10-10T15:44:00.000-07:00